Its 2:03 am on the clock and i should be sleeping..but sleep is far from my eyes. My mind is blank..no thoughts whats so ever..Some thing is hurting me within..what? i don't have any clue..It seems i am living a dubious life..life for others..for my family..friends..cousins..relatives..since when in last few years i have lived for myself? Few years ago i lived on pleasing someone..later my family..then my colleagues at work..now my friends..Weekends are nothing more than compulsive time being spent with people, who need a company. I am used as a scapegoat at work..as crowd within friends..as timepass with few relatives. I don't know if i am even making some sense here..but i want to change all this. I want to live for myself for sometime..be "Rohan" for sometime now.I have never said "No" to anyone, for anything..but now the time has come to finally do what i want..to live life on my own terms..to do what i like..to have some peace.
Worked today..even though there was holiday for us..just because a lady colleague couldn't work at the weekend. Who else could fill in the spot? Rohan..why? he is free on weekend..why? He is a bachelor and stays 1300kms away from his place..so is always available on weekends..what?????? Are you kidding me?
I am always spreading happiness all around..i am never sarcastic..never bitter to people around me..regardless from what i feel within...but i never got a return in my favor. This makes me think that is it something wrong which i do? Should i be selfish as others?
I remember last year same time i was slogging at the office in Bangalore working day n night for 3 months on a migration project alone..my client didn't had money to pay us for that job..but as a good will i still finished the job convincing my manager. I had suffered hand injury from my road accident during that time..but i still finished the job on time..i am yet to hear a "ThankYou" for that job..leave alone a "Well Done" email. I can't help but smile when i visit their website.
What do you do when you face such situations? I miss a friend..i lost one this year..wish i could have one to talk. Feel helpless..feel terrible..
I am fooled yet again today..something about which i cannot even write here...but not anymore..i wont change my ways but i will not allow anyone to take advantage of me..This is new me from NOW...
5 comments:
hey...same things can happen with anyone who does not know how to set the expecation rite. if u are well aware that u r being used..just say it upfront and tell the other person that u won't take it..
for frns, family etc..even one of my frns was doing d same.trying to please..n he suddenly stopped communicating with everyone...it was sad...i would say first u shud nvr do that..n in case ur doing something for sumone..expect least in return. Also, in this keep personal n proffesional life separate..in career be upfront n tell wat is ur max limit but with family..frns etc..nvr expect..becoz if u have done sumthin gud..it wil surely come back to u..in some time..n those who r doing bad...time has its own revenge..just be patient n watch..n yes pity such ppl.
thodi jyada bakwas..but i guess u need it..don't b so frustated with life or everyone..becoz..u need u r close ones always.
n yes for d appreciation mail or award thing..u should have fought..dis thing is for sure..becoz dats how it is ...u need to deal wid politics and show wat u have done..
Hey Nimisha..First of all thanks for reading the post..i guess i wrote this when i was feeling terrible..one of those day's isn't it? I was just tired of being used, acting on someone else's wishes..Yes i am trying to set apart personal and professional things first..i am dealing with the politics in the way as it should be done..by telling all what i feel which i have never done before. Awaiting results..I never demanded any award or appreciation..but when you work hard on something which turns out to be successful, you expect a good acknowledgement in return isn't it? I just did that..i am not very comfortable in demanding these things..i always thought it is done out of courtsey..may be it is time to do things differently..will implement this and post..thanks again for nice advice.
oh good den...sometimes u need to do it..n wen things..r rite once..u can b urself again,,. :D gud going..atleast for know..
Yeah..for starters..tried on my manager today and looks on his face told everything..so i guess its good to try it when nothing else is working. :):)
On personal side, i guess it is just wait and watch scenario now..
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